


LoveWorthy

by CeleryLapel



Series: Poor Judgment [10]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27085180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeleryLapel/pseuds/CeleryLapel
Summary: Britta and Ian wrestle with their insecurities
Relationships: Ian Duncan/Britta Perry
Series: Poor Judgment [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/497782
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	LoveWorthy

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, this story takes place in the EIB universe, fall/winterish 2012-2013. No need to be familiar with the larger work, as you can fill in the blanks. Much thanks to the Community discord #fanfic channel for continuing to inspire my writings. They might not all share my fascination with Bruncan, but they are unconditionally supportive of my verbal diarrhea. On that note, here’s some Bruncan.

Exclusivity had been going well, at least as far as Britta was concerned. She had kind of surprised herself with agreeing to it, but seeing Ian’s brown puppy eyes grow exponentially large over the past couple years had made it inevitable. She was always a softie for animals, so it was somewhat familiar, the difference of course being he had shagged her senseless in the alley that day. 

She had always feared emotional intimacy, feeling in her bones that if someone got that close they’d see her weaknesses and hurt her. Jeff had seen her tender side and had mocked her, and although they had been on much more respectful terms lately, she had never forgotten it, nor was she unaware of her tendency to play into it and do the same to him. But with Ian it was different. He wore his own vulnerabilities on his sleeve, and now that he had been sober for quite a long time she was realizing he no longer posed a significant danger to her. Instead, she was finding him comforting. And much better sexually of course now that he could consistently get it up and was more confident in the bedroom.

Or the alley.

She blushed as she once again recalled that day, the day she had almost viciously agreed to be with him only. She had almost instantly regretted the slap, considering how that would look if their genders had been reversed, but noting at how much it made him want her in a primal way was both unsettling and extremely hot. Since then, she had therefore tried to keep a balance between vulnerability and push, although she took physical violence off the table despite the occasional ass slap which Ian was insistent on getting. Mostly they went about keeping things interesting by having sex in scandalous places, such as various tables (but not in the study room because that would be gross for various Jeff related reasons) and parking Ian’s Smart car on odd roads. Sometimes they went back to the Fields and had a little romp, usually after she had requested he wear his lycra/spandex bicycling outfit again.

He was a dork, but she found it comforting, and his almost comically eagerness to please her was nice, although she did still struggle with it being so _unfamiliar._ Sometimes she wasn’t sure if she was sexually attracted to him, which he seemed to sense so he’d do something completely bonkers and buy her cats a bunch of cute outfits and then shout some swears at her in British or something and she’d end up shoving him into her room and they’d get their freak on. She ignored Abed and Troy’s groans of disgust and reminded them later she didn’t judge their business and they had a double standard. Troy would then screech apologize while Abed would tilt his head and point out that he and Troy weren’t enacting potentially unhealthy relationship dynamics. She ignored this as Troy would hand Abed some buttered noodles and pay a bill, as Abed wasn’t good with numbers. She watched their codependency from a comfortable distance, and for some reason that made her feel better.

She and Ian were definitely not codependent. She shifted in her seat somewhat as she considered this for the gazillionth time and reminded herself that they both loved animals, had a love-hate relationship with Greendale Community College, loved Jeff’s mother but had some issues with Jeff himself on an emotional level, and coparented Kevin but that didn’t really count because someone needed to keep an eye on him or he’d die from eating paste. Ian wasn’t drinking anymore, she was but she certainly wasn’t a _drunk,_ and the fact that she indulged in weed perhaps a bit too much and Ian looked the other way wasn’t an issue.

Sometimes he joined her in the weed, but a lot of times he just had part of a joint and seemed content with that. It was annoying, but she supposed maybe one of them should be somewhat sober in case Kevin got into something or the cats or hermit crabs needed a ride to the vet. She wasn’t a complete disaster, she told herself. She was sober when she babysat for sure. Surprisingly, she didn’t find it difficult in that context as she always did feel more at ease around kids. Not babies (definitely not babies...they really freaked her out with their squishy heads and inability to speak), but she really liked just hanging out with a kid or two. She tried to give them something she had never gotten at that age, which was an adult who took them seriously. At least that’s what Ian had pointed out to her, and she didn’t disagree. Although Ian seemed fine with her babysitting and would occasionally make a guest appearance and be not so bad with kids, she could tell it strained him somewhat after a while and he’d go read some nerdy book or watch British football and retreat.

She didn’t know why she was even thinking about Ian with kids. That was something Annie would do, and she was definitely not like her. God, Annie and Jeff’s heteronormative relationship was at times pretty sickening. They definitely played house, and Jeff being all daddy-like with Annie’s kid was so conventional. And really cute. Damn, she needed to get a hold of herself.

She stared down at the pregnancy test and flinched, then expressed a seismic sigh of relief as it showed her hoped for result.

Negative.

So she wasn’t being hormonal after all. It was nothing. She had just been worried, and justifiably so. Just because she liked kids (not babies), that didn’t mean she wanted to be a mother. And certainly not after only a few months ago agreeing to be exclusive for pretty much the first time in her life. And Ian didn’t want kids, and they were in agreement on that. It had sort of flippantly been discussed at some point, when she was a little high. It had been a relief to be with a guy who understood her views on motherhood. It was fine for some women, but not for her. She liked to _mother_ in her own way from a safe and comfortable distance. Annie’s kid loved her to pieces, and that was kind of amazing. Plus she didn’t have to discipline her or anything. She knew that could go wrong in so many ways due to her experience with Mister Walter Whiskers.

There was a tap at the bathroom door. 

“Love, are you alright in there?”

Ian’s use of that term still unnerved her, but only because he hadn’t some right out and said it yet. There were plenty of times she suspected he was considering it, but it never happened. She was damned if she was going to say it first. The last time she told a man she loved him...she felt the guilt build up again as she recalled Subway and before that her public declaration to Jeff at the Tranny Dance. Needless to dwell on the fact that it had never gone well for her, and she really didn’t want to screw this up.

She carefully folded some tissue over the test and chuckled to herself as she considered they should probably exchange _I love yous_ before they’d consider having a kid. Plus, kids were babies first and she would not be doing _that_.

“I’m fine. Just zoned out for a sec.”

There was a sigh, and then,

“Righty. I thought we were doing that later.”

“Oh, um, no! I really did just zone out. I’ll be right out.”

She threw the test in the trash and then washed her hands before opening the door. Ian was leaning against the wall with a weary expression. She was puzzled and gave him a quizzical look. He was studying her eyes, and then she knew.

“I told you. I’m not high.”

He took a minute to complete his scan and then nodded, his posture completely relaxing. His expression then morphed into a relieved but soft smile and he motioned her toward the kitchen. He was still wearing his apron and as they approached the aroma of garlic filled the air.

“Damn, Ian. That smells amazing.”

“It’s difficult to mess up garlic. Although I had to stop Kevin from adding more.”

He resumed stirring some sizzling tofu on the stovetop and she peered into the boiling pot of what looked to be pasta. 

“Where is he anyway?”

“Took the last clove and went to his room. I’m not making any inquiries.”

They laughed.

X

X

It was a few hours later, but somehow everything had gone to hell. Dinner was lovely, and he had really tried to make it special for her, sensing that she had been distracted lately and he had begun to panic that she was considering leaving him. 

He had tried to be a good boyfriend over the past few months, even arranging awkward double-dates which he amused himself by referring to as _kitchen sink cookies_ in the presence of Americans, but each time he was internally judging himself as he watched Annie and Jeff cozy up to each other. Jeff had _game,_ and he did not. Plus Britta did not want the kind of things that Annie did, so it was just incredibly disjointed. They were very different couples. Jeff and Annie had eloped and Jeff was in the process of adopting her kid. He was happy for them but he couldn’t relate. He had enough with Kevin, and technically Kevin was a somewhat functioning adult even if he did have Changnesia. No, he contented himself with the hermit crabs and visits with Britta’s cats. He hoped at some point she might move in with them, and that would be perfectly lovely.

Lovely. He had almost said the _l word_ during dinner but chickened out once again, aware of the delicate nature of their relationship. Britta had seemed more natural and present that evening and had strangely even not had any weed after he had explained he didn’t want to tonight. He didn’t begrudge her using and was happy to partake on occasion, but he wanted to be fully there tonight.

His plans were realized when they had amazing sex after Kevin had gone to bed. He made extra efforts and she seemed happy. They had cuddled afterward, and he had attempted to say it.

“You’re a heavenly creature.”

“Ian.” She lightly swatted him but then turned in even closer, her eyes dancing.

He kissed her and then began stroking her cheek. She glanced away, slightly uncomfortable in that way she was whenever he was about to say it.

“I think you’re lovely.”

“Thanks. I like you too.”

He cringed, wondering if that was a sign of some sort. She was preemptively putting him off, drawing the boundary so he wouldn’t embarrass himself. Although used to embarrassment so normally not too bothered by it, he found himself gone mute.

“Ian?”

She was staring at him, seeming slightly alarmed. He supposed he was flushing or paling or perhaps sweating profusely. 

“I think you should sleep at home tonight.”

It had been incredibly awkward, and there was ensuing shouting, very brief crying, and then more shouting. They had both participated, and somehow they had both ended up in his car as he silently drove her back to Apartment 303.

She was sitting with arms crossed, eyes on the road. He was kicking himself for having been rude, but for some reason he couldn’t take it back or explain. His heart was in immense pain and he no longer trusted her with it. He considered they probably should end things.

“Oh my god, are you okay?!?”

He had heard his own screechy inhale and then quickly turned toward her and then back so as to attend to the road. He caught a glimpse of her concerned expression.

“Sorry, err, yes.”

“Clearly you’re not.”

“It’s a bit more complicated on me being okay or not being okay. What the fuck are we doing?”

The ensuing silence was almost unbearable, but he suspected they were both going over their entire relationship in their respective minds. He certainly had been, and he was aware that if he couldn’t say it to her now, they were doomed. Well, he suspected they were already over, yet he considered he should perhaps tell her anyway.

“Britta, I need to tell you something, even if you probably won’t even let me.”

“What does that mean?”

“Look, I am aware I royally botched things tonight, but I just couldn’t keep doing this.”

Her sigh filled him with dread until he realized she was crying. He reached over and grabbed her hand, and she didn’t resist and in fact grasped it tighter.

“I’m going to pull over.”

She nodded and continued to sob softly. It was an agonizing minute before he found a spot and killed the ignition. He turned to her and wiped a tear, for she was suddenly silent and looking down at their hands.

“I’ve tried to tell you this for months, but I never got up the full nerve. I guess now that there’s no more hope, I can say it.”

“You don’t think there’s hope?”

He caught his breath and she lifted her head, her eyes red, her expression one of complete vulnerability.

“I don’t know. Is there?”

“Maybe?”

Steadying himself, he considered it was now or never. 

“Britta, I…”

\--”No, I’ll say it.”

“Hmm?”

“Ian, I love you.”

They sat dumbfounded for some time, he was not sure how much time really. Her eyes were wide and waiting, but he knew she was aware of how he felt. It was an act of complete openness on her part, and he wanted to capture it in his memory.

In his heart.

“I love you too.”

Her grin made his evening, although that probably wasn’t difficult to do. But still. He squeezed her hands once more and leaned in for a kiss, her readily mirroring his movements. It wasn’t passionate or hurried but more mundane and sweet. It was just how he really wanted things to be, if he admitted it deep down. As they pulled apart, she appeared more shaken.

“I’m scared.”

He nodded in understanding, not being the least surprised she would be fearful at this juncture. He certainly was. He decided to give her a pep talk, and perhaps himself one as well.

“I’m someone who’s scared of literally everything. The dark, the light. Heights, depths. Confined spaces, wide-open spaces. Strangers, intimacy. Spiders...and a sudden and mysterious lack of spiders.” *

She swatted him and began laughing, and he found himself doing the same.

“My point being, is that I continue to live my life. I venture out into the world, and I take my chances. Being scared has never stopped me, and it never will.”

She smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“You’re such a dork.”

“You’ve known that for some time.”

“I love you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> A/N: *Much thanks to Last Week Tonight with John Oliver 


End file.
